


Family Tree Fracas

by MeatbunKun



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, Multi, Platonic Relationships, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 13:12:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14309409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeatbunKun/pseuds/MeatbunKun
Summary: familial reader + various!haikyuu!! oneshots





	1. Kyoutani Kentarou + younger sister!reader

~~~~~

  
"Is it just me or are we being haunted by a gremlin..?"

 

Considering the child staring them down from one of the benches has a scowl that could probably reduce even the manliest of men to tears, gremlin wasn't too far of a reach. Adorned in an elementary school uniform, plentiful Hello Kitty bandages decorating her legs and with a small, pink backpack strung on her back, the little girl couldn't be more out of place if she tried-which only confuses the Aoba Johsai team even more.

 

"Don't tell me that unholy hell-spawn belongs to one of you." Hanamaki drawls as he and Matsukawa exchange a myriad of expressions in some sort of telepathic conversation before they both squint at the girl as if to figure out whose features she shares. "Iwaizumi, any illegitimate children you'd like to own up to?"

 

With the short, choppy dark hair and the thick furrowed brows, she does pose a slight resemblance to the aforementioned ace, if only in pissy demeanor and choice of hairstyle. Said teen only spares the snickering duo a blank look before both hands rise to slap the back of their heads simultaneously, "Hell no!" He eyes the child, offering a bland shrug, "Never seen the kid before."

 

Oikawa taps a finger against his lips in wonder, "Maybe my fan base even reaches elementary schools?" He laughs haughtily before flashing a victory sign, "I guess my beautiful looks have no boundaries, I capture the hearts of all who catch a glimpse of me!" His exclamation is rewarded with a volleyball to the face that's really expected at this point, drawing a loud squawk from the brunette. Unfortunately for him, his cries of woe are ignored in favor of inspecting the caustic little girl who spares no mercy as her acidic glare drills into them.

 

Further theories are shared-maybe she's just lost, maybe she's a spy for one of the other teams, perhaps she's from the future sent back in time to warn them of some catastrophic event; every idea proposed gets more and more ridiculous to the point that they're not even trying to come up with something plausible but trying to outdo each other with one impossible scenario after another. Only one member doesn't join in on the horseplay, Kyoutani slinking away from the huddled group to trudge towards the girl with air of determination, leaving Yahaba grasping at air as he misses an attempt at pulling the stripe-haired boy back. "Mad Dog-chan is loose~" Oikawa whispers tauntingly, seemingly recovered from his bout of dramatics and Yahaba huffs, "If he makes her cry, I'm not playing damage control."

 

The team watches as Kyoutani and the girl seem to hold a staring contest of amazing intensity, grumpy teen versus grumpy child, eyes locked on one another with no signs of giving up from either side. Finally the girl blinks, scowl dropping in favor of dull scrutiny.

 

"Are you goin' to be done soon nii-chan? There's a sale going on and daddy said we had to stop by the store to grab some things if I wanted curry for dinner tonight. _And I want curry for dinner tonight_." Her tone leaves no room for argument with the thinly veiled threat underlying her words. 

 

....

 

Out of all the responses she could of made, that was one least expected.

  
  
Well, the threatening tone was expected- the 'nii-chan' thing though- _that_ was a surprise.

  
  
"Waah, no way!" The girl frowns testily when confronted suddenly with a cacophony of disbelief as she's suddenly surrounded by sweaty teen boys, a certain brunette particularly in her face as he looks between her and her brother in quick succession, back-and-forth and repeat, as if watching a tennis match. "Mad Dog-chan comes with a puppy?!" Tone reminiscent of a child asking 'can we keep it?'

  
  
She blinks as she comprehends being compared to a canine then presents him with what is a poor excuse for a smile and more like the baring of all her teeth, the cute gap overshadowed by the venomous aura upping her (surprisingly effective) intimidation factor. "The name's Kyoutani (F/n), and if you're gonna be callin' me puppy I might as well warn you that I bite."

   
  
"Geh, you're just as mean as Mad Dog-chan is!"

  
  
"Don't talk about nii-chan that way or I'll show you a _real_ mad dog."

  
  
"Only you could have a sister who's so uncute..." Yahaba bemoans quietly to her mildly amused older brother as the second years watch the scary elementary student proceed to bully Oikawa.

 

~~~~~

 

  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some of these might be kinda short...whoops


	2. Yamaguchi Tadashi + mom!reader

~~~~~

 

You blearily walk through the front door with a tired sigh, sliding off your shoes next to the dirty tennis shoes that belonged to your son, making a mental note to look into buying him some new ones soon-those were beginning to look a little ratty- as you put on your indoor slippers. All was quiet in the little apartment, to be expected considering how late it was, and you mourn the missed opportunity to see Tadashi before he went to bed, god knows how long its been since you've been able to just sit down and enjoy being around your beloved child. You absentmindedly glance into the hallway mirror as you pass it, grimacing at the way you look. Hair pulled back into a ponytail and beginning to grey (whether from stress or age, you weren't sure you wanted to know), crow's feet are becoming more and more apparent, and the dark bags under your eyes give your purse a run for its money; the only bright side was the sprinkling of freckles across your face, and that was only because looking at them made you think about Tadashi, they'd always suited him more than you.

  
  
God, you looked like a right mess and it seemed work was beginning to take a heavy toll on your appearance.

  
  
The longer you look the more embarrassed you get, so you hurriedly turn and trudge off to the kitchen to look for something quick to munch on before you'd go and pass out in bed until the alarm rings to wake you to do it all over again. You're passing the couch when you freeze at the flash of dark hair you notice resting against one of the sofa arms, scrunching your brows you round the couch and gaze down at the sight of the dozing teenager, snoring softly. It was times like this you wished you were stronger or he was still small enough for you to carry him back to his room without having to wake him. Squatting down to meet face to face, a calloused hand reaches out to stroke those soft locks of his as you croon, "Tadashi." His nose twitches slightly, but his snoring doesn't falter.

  
  
"Tadaaaaashiiiii."  Theres an aborted jerk of the head, and you smother a grin when he snorts inelegantly as his eyes slowly flutter open. "Hey there."

  
  
"Mom!" He lurches to sit up, turning this way and that as if wondering where he was before rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, "Welcome home! Ah, I guess I fell asleep..?"

  
  
"Mm, I'm home." You giggle and, with only minor difficulty, push yourself back up to your feet, "Looks like it. Why aren't you in bed? It'd be much more comfortable at any rate..." You continue your journey to the attached kitchen, ducking into the fridge to survey your choices.

  
  
"I wrapped up the leftovers from my dinner for you." The teen stumbles sleepily behind you, plopping down at the little dining table and props his head up with a fist as he watches you, "I...I was waiting for you to get home. Wanted to catch you before you went to your room."

 

"Oh, Tadashi..." You put the leftovers in the microwave to heat up and turn to lean back against the counter, face apologetic as you regard the sweet boy, "I'm so sorry you had to wait so long, I asked Aiko-san if there were any extra shifts I could take on and I guess I was out later than usual this past week, huh?" The chime of the microwave beeps and you pull the plate out before taking a seat next to Tadashi, hand on his shoulder as you draw him in to give him a little smooch on the forehead, "I missed you. Was there something in particular you wanted to talk about?" With a tiny murmur of 'itadakimasu' you begin to tuck in, (e/c) orbs focused on him as you eat, listening happily while any sleepiness is forgotten as soon as he launches into an enthusiastic babble about practice today.

 

~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> single mama reader-chan~
> 
> also sowwy for POV change, chaps are probably gonna alternate between 2nd/3rd so if that's no bueno then feel free to tell bun :"


	3. child!Tanaka Ryuunosuke + mom!reader

~~~~~

 

"Are you _sure_ you don't need me to go instead? These moms are kind of snooty, I'll admit, and there's no doubt you're going to be bumping heads with a few of them...They're not exactly used to someone as vibrant as you showing up, you'll offend their cashmere sweater sensibilities with your leather and tattoos..."

  
  
He was the definition of 'average dad': hair beginning to grey and thin a little along the hairline (you thought the recently developed widow's peak was cute, he, on the other hand, mourned the 'loss of his youth'), crow's feet and laugh lines, hopeless eyesight without his wire-rim glasses and a rudimentary paunch developing from his habit of late night snacking; and he was still as handsome as he'd been when you two met. Now if only he'd outgrown that pessimistic attitude of his. You adored your darling husband, but jeez, he was the biggest worrywart _ever_.

  
  
"Honey." You drape yourself over his back, crooning lovingly in his ear as you relish the advantage the few inches you had on him gives you, "Darling. Light of my life, fire of my loins, father of my offspring~"

  
  
"Geh...!"

  
  
You delight in the sight of his cheeks and ears reddening and reach down to fix his tie, giving it a warning tug. "You wouldn't be implying that I can't handle a couple of teachers and pesky over enthused parents, now would you? I chased you down all throughout high school until you caved in and accepted my confession, I've gone through labor twice,  I've survived your _parents_ these past 20 something years. I can take whatever these cookie cutter mommies and their gluten free baking will dish out at me. Now," you straighten up and begin to steer him towards the door, picking up his briefcase along the way and pressing it into his hands, "say 'yes dear', give mama some sugar and go knock 'em dead at work today. I know this is usually your bit but hey, shit happens and now its (F/n)'s time to shine." Blithely ignoring his scandalized chastising for your language (honestly, it was like high school never ended and he was still that stuffy class president who always got onto you for breaking the rules) you hold the door open and regard him expectantly.

  
  
"You..." He seemingly gives up with a sigh and begrudging smile, "You're terrible. At this rate _both_ of our kids are going to end up shocking their teachers with their cursing. At least today they'll learn the guilty party responsible." He eyes you shrewdly then smirks benignly, " _Yes dear._ You are absolutely correct, as always. Perish the thought otherwise." He leans up accommodatingly for the demanded kiss goodbye, and then you dive in for a second one. And third. And forth. You're tempted to keep it up until he's late, you miss the meeting, or go for broke and accomplish both but then there's pitchy whining as your youngest crashes into the back of your legs.

  
  
"Ewwwwwww, you're kissing _again_?! That's already like the _fiftieth_ time today!"

  
  
Parental duo exchanges fond shakes of the head before you release him to let your hubby leave for real, and after waving goodbye and closing the door behind him you round on your troublesome thing 2. "Well excuuuuuse me, are you the kiss police? Your mama will smooch daddy as much as she'd like, and guess what?" You squat down and poke Ryuunosuke on the nose before suddenly reeling him in to blow a raspberry on his cheek, "Mama is gonna kiss _you_ fifty times now!"

  
  
Good thing your only neighbors are a hard-of-hearing old couple because the ensuing cacophony of shrieks and giggles are a staple part included with living in this household.  
  


 

~~~~~

  
  
As you hold Ryuu's hand and slouch tiredly against the wall you were leaning against, you can vaguely recollect declaring you could handle the horrors of PTA meetings. 

  
  
Half an hour in and you were already tempted to commit murder or start a riot. As soon as you walked into the room all eyes were one you, ranging from mild distaste to full blown revulsion. Granted, it was your first time attending one of these shitty things and your husband _did_ warn you about the inevitable stink-eyes, but jesus did these mommy cliques really have nothing better to do?

  
  
"Ryuu-chan, those gossiping biddies walking over, are any of 'em mothers of your friends?"

  
  
"Hmm," Bless his heart, he actually takes the time to inspect the approaching group with utmost seriousness before shaking his head. "Nope! I've heard Nemui-sensei call 'em 'momzillas' though! Whatever that means..." He peers up at you suspiciously, "Are you gonna beat one of 'em up? Dad told me before he left that I'm 'sponsible for you and I gotta keep you outta trouble..." He pauses and brings a hand to his chin, looking as if he's pondering deeply, "But he also said if anyone named Sakurai-san starts somethin' that you can um.." He scrunches his brows in consternation, trying to remember his father's exact words, "Throw hands?"

  
  
"Oh I love that man~" You sigh endearingly then blink a little uncomprehendingly, "Wait, why this Sakurai-san in particular? Did he say, Ryuu-chan?"

  
  
"Mmm....Oh! She's the one who beat dad in the bake sale with her icky healthy cookies. And then she made fun of him," he scowls in defense of his currently absent dad before brightening up again, "Dad called her a shithead and then let me fill her purse up with a buncha rocks though!"

  
  
Maybe he wasn't that stuffy class president still after all, your influence obvious inflicted your normally mild-mannered spouse. " _Really._ " 

  
  
It's at that moment the three ladies finally make it to where you two were standing, the apparent leader decked out completely in white as she gives you a plastic, friendly smile that is clearly anything but. "You must be dear Tanaka-chan's mother. We've heard _soo_ much about you! It's a shame your husband couldn't make it, I wanted to talk to him about my new award-winning recipe I wanted to use at the next bake sale." Her eyes scan you derisively, nose wrinkling with the closer viewing of your leather-clad appearance. "I'm Sakurai Erika, it's so.... _nice_ to meet you."

  
  
Throw hands indeed. (E/c) eyes narrow and you can feel Ryuu jittering excitedly beside you, promise to play keeper or not no kid was going to turn down the chance to watch his mother lay in on somebody for their bitchiness.

  
  
"Tanaka (F/n), and I've got a few choice words for you, Sakurusai-san"

  
  
~~~~~

  
  
***beeeeeeeeeeeeep*** "Heeeeey honey, how's work going?? Hopefully it's not _too_ dull for ya! As for us well, the PTA meeting went _great_ , no problems whatsoever!"

  
  
"Mama called a lot of people in there 'bitch' and even made one of the meaner ones cry!"

  
  
"Ryuu-chan, mommy's in the middle of leaving a message here baby, eat your ice cream and _hush_... He's just going through a sugar rush, imagination going wild and whatnot. _Anyyyyways,_ Sakurusa-uh...Sakurai-san said she looked forward to going over recipes with you next time and was sorry you missed such a...eventful meeting."

  
  
"She ripped out Sakurusai-san's extensions when the lady said your brownies were fattenin' chocolate bricks that were drier than the Sahara!"

  
  
"Ryuu-chan, haha...you silly boy you. Uh, right, getting to the point- we had a blast, and I don't know why you were so worried, I could do this all the time! In fact I'd love to! It's just uh. There's a teeny, tiny, itsy bitsy issue with that. Um, so you're officially the PTA parent of the household because I'm sorta, kinda banned."

  
  
"It was awesome! And then we got ice cream to celebrate!"

  
  
"Ryuu....," a sigh that breaks way to a chuckle, "Okay so it was terrible and I'm probably on PTA's most loathed list now but, hey, in my defense the whole thing was already a shit show before I even deigned to show those bratty hags what for."  An onslaught chanting of 'shit show! shit show!' begins in the background. "Fucking Christ, Ryuu-chan, you soak up that like a sponge and yet your teacher is always on my case about your grades. Ugh, shit, this is getting long now isn't it. Well, sweetcakes, I'm very much not sorry and hope the ensuing lecture isn't _too_ long-winded. Love you, expect your favorite food for dinner as bribery to forgive me, buh-bye!~"

 

"Bye dad!" ***beep, beep, beep***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ended up being more about dad-san it seems...whoops  
> also where is Saeko in all of this, who knows....


End file.
